so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
