I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
