i need an iv and a liver transplant
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
