I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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