Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
