census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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