how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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