It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
