If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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