youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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