i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
