Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need water and some morals
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
