How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
