But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
