She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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