woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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