She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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