got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
