after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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