i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
