someone get that fucking seahorse.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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