I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
