New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize