sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
