he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
