U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
