We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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