I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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