The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
