mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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