as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
