Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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