when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
