I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
