i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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