I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
