Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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