how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
