i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
