I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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