i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize