I wish my penis had an off switch
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
