she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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