Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
