This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
