You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
