Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
