This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize