Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
