Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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