When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
