i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
