make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
