Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
