stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
