Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
