It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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