I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
