I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
