this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
