my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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