do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left an ass print on the piano.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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