BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
