How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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