There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
