I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
