our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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