i think my tv is drunk
Buhtt sex?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
