i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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