If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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