my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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