I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
