I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
