She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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