I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
