I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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