you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
