Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize