So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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