i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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