Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
