I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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