Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
