we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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