I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
where are my eyebrows?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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