Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
