Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Girls should come with a carfax report
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
