Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
