I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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