i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
