I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
