it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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