I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize