I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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