im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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