My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
