Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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