I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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