god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
