new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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