and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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