I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
