return my video game
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize