Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
