so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
