Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need moral support for this bender
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
