I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
