I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
